Day 84: Today Throw Away an Apple Core in the Park. Mark the Spot Well, and Come Back in 20 Years Time to See Your Apple Tree.

Why go to the park?  In 20 years time my brain is going to be so fried from teenage people's nonsense that I'm not even going to know what a park is.  So I decided to throw my apple core (I was really greatful for that apple) in my dad's backyard.  I hope he likes his father's day gift in 20 years.

Day 83

Day 82: Sit in the Lotus Position for 30 Minutes Today

I am a pansy by Jenn R.

I am a pansy.
Oh yes I am
I am a pansy
Because I didn't think I can
My ankle started throbbing
And I felt like it was robbing
All the blood that I had
This was making me sad
I decided enough
Because I am not tough
And quit after pence
and a ten.

My ankle hurt.  I quit after ten minutes.  But I did feel relaxed while doing it.  Oh well.

Day 81: Celebrate Nature Today

Day 80: Today Start to Eat a Piece of Furniture

What is needed: a piece of wooden furniture and a nail file.  I'm supposed to shave off a small amount of wood from the furniture and sprinkle on my lunch. 

I actually might start this tomorrow.  I just need a nail file and some wooden furniture.  My dad was throwing away aluminum chairs today, but told me they were rusty and and i probably don't want to eat that.  I did just replace the table I made with a new one or, hey, Sheryl, what did you do with your old kitchen furniture!

My Hobby

I have over 8 hours of taped birds.  Song making is about to start!

Day 79: Become an Expert on Today

Weather in Zambia today

63°  with fair weather

Number of wars in progress today

That Afghan one, possibly one in Syria, Africa is always fighting, and the Hunger Games.  So at least 4

World population today

6984895594

Result of main sporting event today

I was able to see KU (boo!) knock out UNC today, or at least the last 5 minutes of the game

First topic on Jerry Springer today

Shame it’s a Sunday and he’s not on.  But I would assume someone cheating with a sibling that is going to end in people throwing chairs and fighting.

Middle East oil reserves today

I found something about 66%

Number of astronauts in space today

Three Russians, two Americans and a Dutch astronaut

Lottery results in Colorado today

(from yesterday)   11   14  17   23   34   40

Percentage of faked orgasms today

None here, I sent him home

Time spent waiting for phones to be picked up

Depends on who’s answering and also who’s calling.  Which reminds me, I forgot to call Christine back.  Oops!

Moon- Earth distance at midday

251936 miles

Horoscope of Leos with Scorpio ascendants

The ascendant, or rising sign, is the zodiacal sign and degree that was ascending on the eastern horizon at the specific time and location of an event. According to astrological theory, celestial phenomena reflect or determine human activity on the principle of 'as above so below'. Thus astrologers believe that the ascendant signifies a person's awakening consciousness, in the same way that the Sun's appearance on the eastern horizon signifies the dawn of a new day.

Couldn’t find a horoscope for this, but my guess being a Leo dealing with a Scorpio and who has dealt with a Scorpio.  The Leo will become a nut.

Number of birthdays worldwide

Roughly 859,178

Now I am supposed to get business cards made, seeing as how I am an expert on everything today and hand them out.

Day 78

Looks like I'm okay!

My Design

Day 77:Today Design Your Own Logo

I had my markers sitting out at work today and one of the girls asked if she could color.  I told her I need a logo designed with my initials (JER)  and asked if she would do that.  Even though I told her I think that it's dumb to have the last name in the middle, even though it is the largest letter, she still did it anyway.  I also told her I wanted a smiley face coming out of it.  This is what she drew:

Ignore the black marks on top, that's when Johnny said that he had a logo for me.  Imagine what was on the page when he finished saying that.



Because this was not his complete picture.

Sorry we are a day off.  I was unable to fuction yesterday, seeing as how I was tending to a massive hangover.

Day 76: Wear Shoes That are One Size too Small. That Way You Will Experience Huge Relief When You Come Home and Take Them Off Tonight

This is actually what they looked like when I was done.  No, joke.  But it really didn't feel that uncomfortable wearing a pair of size 8 (like a freak, I wear a 8.5 on one foot and 9 on the other) and I especially didn't feel it when I was out getting wasted :)

Day 75: Today Every Book Owner is to Reserve a Table at Gino's (Baton Rouge) for Eight O'Clock on the 4th of July Next Year

Anyone interested in going to Louisiana next year?  The food is supposed to be good.  I even looked them up on line 4.5 stars, that's got to say something. 

In honor of this task, I decided to have some four star St. Louis Italian today.  I had a delicious basil penne pasta and bread sticks from one of the best known St. Louis eateries.  It was delicious.  Well worth the $9.

For those of you interested, especially the out of town people, Breck (cause you're coming into town the first weekend in August), here is the address:

Fazoli's (2.9 miles)
6456 Chippewa St.
St. Louis, MO 63109
(314) 352-5833
Catering Delivery
Oh!  They cater!!!  Emily???

My Hobby

I tried to record the birds singing this morning.  My new phone (shot out to Sheryl) has a voice recorder on it.  When they woke me up this morning, I turned it on, but I didn't hit all the right buttons and it did not save may birds.  boo :(

Day 74: Today Express Your Views

I spent the days trying to figure out what my views are.  Usually when I tell people what I believe they think I'm nuts.  For instance, when I tell people the movie Terminator is actually based on a true story they look at me like I'm crazy, even though it is unfolding right before our eyes.  I mean, I totally almost made this post on my new phone (shot out to Sheryl!).  My belief and hopefully yours too, is that someone from the future teleported to our time to warn us of what's about to happen.  The machines are taking over.  And it's true.  I actually only watched one Terminator and I don't plan on watching any others. 

I also believe that practice makes perfect... but more on that to come.

Day 73

Day 72: Closure Day

Today is Closure Day.  We all form a strong attachment to our first toy.  Today, call up your kindergarten and ask them if they've found your rattle.  Explain that you lost it a good few years ago now, but only recoved the memory of this last week.  Emphasize how important it is to your psychological health that they find it.

Too bad this fell on a Saturday and my kindergarten was closed.  Rats!

Day 71: Take Our Test and Find Out if You're a Psychopath

Do you possess these traits?

0 for NOT AT ALL

1 for SOMETIMES

4 for ALL THE TIME

1.  Glibness/ superficial charm  

2.  Grandoise sense of self worth  

3.  tendency to boredom/ need for stimulation 

4.  pathological lying

5.  cunning/ manipulative behavior

6.  Lack of remorse 

7.  Shallow Affect (monotone voice, blank expression) 

8.  Lack of empathy

9.  Parasitic lifestyle

10.  Poor behavioral Control 

11.  Promiscuous sexual behavior 

12.  behavioral problems in early life 

13.  Lack of realistic long term plans 

14.  Impulsiveness 

15.  Irresponsible behavior 

16.  Failure to accept the consequences of actions 

17.  Many marital relationships 

18.  Juvenile delinquency

19.  Callousness 

20.  Criminal Versatility 

For more reliable results I had a friend fill it out (as recommended by the book).  Actually, I had three friends and a stranger fill them out.  I liked the strangers results.  He put mainly zeros, but changed irresponsible behavior from zero to one when I pointed out where I had my drunk driving accident.  Whatever!  It was one time.  When I average the results from everyone, I mainly had 2s.  Since 2 is closer to 1 than 4, I guess I'm not a psychopath.  Which was confirmed when the drunk guy called me normal (first time I've ever been called that.  He's my new BFF) 

Day 70: See More of the World Today. Take Your Bus or Train One Stop Too Far, Then Walk and Discover Everything You Normally Miss

Day 69: Downsizing Day

So who should I fire?  I could fire my hair dressed except she's not talking to me at the moment or I could fire my intern except he'd miss me too much, after all, I am his favorite patient (and he's in my top 34 for interns).  If I had a therapist, I could fire her since I got free counseling from 7 high school kids today.  So I really don't know who to fire.  Maybe my librarian since I'm not really doing any school work, but that's only going to save me $2. But actually, if I have my three librarians give me a dollar every Friday then... 

Day 68: One Day Detox

Today your goal is to try and expel some of the toxins that are building up and gradually poinsoning your body.  Only consume cleansing food and drink. By tonight, your internal organs will have begun to purge all the drugs, preservatives, additives, and excess bile that you've been lugging around for years. 

What to eat:  Start off with a yummy breakfast  of lemon juice in warm water.  Drink mineral water throughout the day.  For lunch, a treat: an apple to keep the doctor away washed down with camomile tea.  For dinner, a nice clear soup of hot water, flavored with some fennel.  And before going to bed, a cup of peppermint tea.

I figured this day would be perfect considering I was soooo tired yesterday the only energy I had was to order a pizza online (no Gummie Bears) and drive to McDonald's even though in all honest, I was out looking for boots. I did however get in my fruit and vegetables in yesterday.  I had pineapple, onions, and black olives on my pizza and fries from McDonald's, oh yeah, and there was a slice of tomato on my chicken (healthy) sandwich.  But I still figured it would be good to cleanse my bowel mainly because I enjoy pooping.

The morning was easy.  For breakfast I was going to put store bought lemon juice in my water.  I already like it luke- warm, but I had no lemon juice.  So I just drank water.  However, an hour later I was hungry. 

On my way to work, I stopped and got the apple.  I knew I needed my energy to put up with these kids.  That was the best apple I have ever had.  I devoured that thing.  I knew I was hungry because when I walked through the candy aisle a sighed "candy" out loud, making the stocking man look at me like a was a loon.  The apple luckily gave me enough energy to go to the mall too look for boots.  About 8 minutes in I lost all desire to shop so I went to Kohl's.  When I was done at Kohl's (no boots), I drove around for a bit then a miracle happened.  No a food truck containing chicken fingers, tacos, cheese fries, White Castle, pretzels with cheese, nachos, green beans, cake, cupcakes, cookies, hamburgers, gyros, that turkey sandwich I had from Kaldi's the other day, oh or those Eggs Benedict from First Watch did not spill over, but instead I heard a sound.  As always, I panicked thinking it was a man in my car, but there wasn't.  It was a box of Girl Scout cookies moving around.  I knew I shouldn't have one.  I was doing so well on me detox.  I was about to fight the urge until 2 minutes later when I ate 3.

At work I began to feel light headed and when my arm almost fell off moving a small wooden chair, I decided I was done detoxing.  I headed to my parents house because I did not have the energy to head all the way back to my place, plus I wanted to hit the shoe store by their house for boots.  They had boots kind of like what I wanted, but I was too weak to buy.  I went to their house, where I tried to eat some cheese, but my father stole it from me.  Did he realize how much energy it took to open that bag?  But luckily, he bought me dinner and now I have some energy in time to go to bed.

Moral of story:  Detoxing Sucks!!!

Day 67: Today Choose One Hair on Your Body That You Will Let Grow

Today I am supposed to pick one hair and let it grow.  I used to have this hair on the side of my ankle that I could never get when shaving.  I actually did eventually give up.  But as a big fan of Murphy’s Law, I guess I finally got it because it’s not there anymore.  Maybe I’ll let one of my nose hairs grow.  I am almost 30 and isn’t that when they start to grow.  I did just get nose trimmers, I guess I’ll be returning those.

Day 66: Today Save Water

So I was supposed to go through the day not showering and only flushing after every 5th turn.  This actually kind of worked out.  I hardly peed which is very odd because I relieve myself all the time.  And since I'm still at work at 11:30 and have about a 20 minute drive home, chances are I'll be showering after midnight.  Midnight meaning, not today.

As for flushing, work has automatic flushing toliets.  I attempted to unplug them, but I could not find the plug.  Plus it might've started to smell because I'm not the only one here.  I did flush my toliet at home when I went this morning.  It stops up easily :)

Day 65: Today Learn a Poem by Heart

Day 64: Today Send a Letter to Someone at Random with a Photo of Yourself, a $5 Bill, No Explanation and No Sender Address. See What Comes of It

Who wouldn't want a picture of that?

I looked up someone with a cool first name (Shauntel) with my last name and sent it to their neighbor.  I hope they respond.  It would be nice to have a pen pal.

Day 63: Eat Something that Frightens You

Day 62: Break a World Record

Like I have time to do this!  Hell, I didn't even have time to post this on the right day.

Day 61: Prepare Convenient Circles Everywhere You Habitually Go

This day is for Emily, talking about her magical crystals. By drawing circles everywere you go, you ward out evil pagan forces that are trying to influence your mind negatively. 

I'm not doing this because I hate the texture of chalk.  That's the reason why it took me so long to get into education.

Day 60: Today, Find Out How Symmetrical You Are

Sorry I didn't post yesterday.  Long day and I left my book at home.  Whoopies. 
This task is going to be fun.  It's just a reminder of how gorgeous I am.  I'm supposed to measure my facial features and see how symmetrical they are.

D1 (Distance between outer eye corners)= 4.5"
D2 (Distance between inner eye corners)= 1.5"
D3 (Distance between pupils)= 2.5"
D4 (Nose Width)= 1.5"
D5 (Mouth Width)= 2"
D6 (Outer Jaw Width)= 4"
D7 (Chin Width)= 2.75"

Find Dx by adding them all together= 18.75"  Oh wait, I need to read on before staring.  It's done in millimeters.  1"= 25.4 mm

476.25 mm = Dx

Divide Dx by 6

476.25/6= 79.375

Find Individual Asymmetry Score (GRD)

If GRD <79.8, you are in top 10% of the general population and should have no trouble getting laid
If 79.9<GRD<123.56, you are average and veer from "lucky" periods to "bad patch" times.
If your GRD > 123.57, seek circus employment

To find GRD 79.375/.453+1= 176.22

?????????????????????????  Um, I don't think so

Day 59: Test Your Psychic Abilities

Today I am supposed to concentrate and see if I move something.  Not sure how that tests if I'm a psychic.  Cause I already know I'm a psychic, yesterday I predicted James would clean the bathrooms and he did.  But I tried it anyway.

Day 58: Order An Impossible Pizza

Since I am possibly starting a raw food diet tomorrow (I was going to start today but my 7:oo am cupcake kind of ruined that), I decided to do this task today.  I needed food at work and was in the mood for pizza.  So it was all perfect.  Except when my client walked into the office as I was ordering Gummie Bears on my pineapple and onion pizza. He looked at James (who was just kind of staring at me) and they both started laughing. The pizza girl was laughing too.   I was embarrassed until our client said, "you should ask if you can pay in chocolate."

Update

In the mail today, I received one of those pieces of junk mail I had returned to sender. 

Day 57: Rock 'n Roll Day

For those of you who saw me today, you will know I did not do this.  I was supposed to meet my drug dealer at midnight and spend the day drinking. Considering I've never had a drug dealer and I fell asleep at 9 last night, I decided to give you all a sneak peak into This Book Will Change Your Life Again! (the sequel, dumbass) and decided to go for: Be a Teenage for the Day and it was awesome.

I got so caught up calling my friends bitches and hos that I did not notice until an hour later when one of my high school kids called a group of girls bitches. 

Day 56: Decide What Skills to Pass on in Your Family

That's easy.  Crotchting and making pillows.  When I get my Etsy pillow site up, I'll let you all know.  Right now I have zero pillows for sale. 

It's kind of nice to have a relaxing day.  I tried to teach Koala how to crotchet and use a sewing machine, but he just stared at me blankly, so I think I'm going to give up.  Hopefully I won't have to teach anybody this for at least a year.

Day 55: Today Count Your Farts

***Disclaimer***

Sorry for the delay.  I decided to post this before work for accuracy